Podcast: From Ghost to Host: 7 Strategies to Re-Engage Donors Who’ve Gone Silent

Season 5, Episode 36

Every fundraiser has been there. A donor expresses interest, maybe even during a feasibility study, and then goes completely silent. Emails go unanswered. Calls aren’t returned. You’re being ghosted.

It’s one of the most frustrating experiences in nonprofit fundraising, and one of the most common. In this episode, Amy Eisenstein and Andrea Kihlstedt shared a real client story and practical strategies for re-engaging donors who’ve gone dark.

Ghosting stings. But in most cases, it’s not personal. The donors who go quiet are often still reachable — you just need to find the right door.

Listen Now:

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Amy Eisenstein:
So you’ve been ghosted again? We’ve all experienced donors that we thought were coming our way, and then they just vanish into thin air. What happened and what should you do? Stick around.

Hi, I’m Amy Eisenstein. I’m here with my colleague and co-founder, Andrea Kihlstedt. And today we are talking about what you could do if you are being ghosted by a donor or a potential donor.

How to Re-Engage Donors Who’ve Gone Silent

And Andrea, you have a great story that came up in our weekly conversations, our peer support calls with clients. Somebody raised the issue and had a solution. What was it?

Andrea Kihlstedt:
Here’s the story.

A Story — From Ghost to Host

So one of our client organizations did a guided feasibility study where the people in the organization actually go and do the interviews. That’s what sets the style of feasibility studies apart.

Amy Eisenstein:
With our guidance and support, with our close coaching.

Andrea Kihlstedt:
Yes, indeed.

Amy Eisenstein:
With our guidance and coaching.

Andrea Kihlstedt:
It is a great process. And they did this study and the study came back. It was terrific. Everybody was really happy with it. During the study, they went and talked to one of their donors, a man, and he indicated interest in making a nice contribution to the campaign.

So then when they started in the quiet phase of the campaign, they started reaching out to him to talk more about his gift and to move that process forward. Well, lo and behold, after emails and texts, they didn’t hear diddly squat from him. I mean, nothing. Nothing.

Amy Eisenstein:
Oh, so frustrating. So frustrating.

Andrea Kihlstedt:
So frustrating. Yeah. I have to say, on all the things that happen in fundraising, in the fundraising world, ghosting is one of the things that really gets under my skin because I like people who communicate really clearly and well and promptly no matter what happens. So when people don’t do that, I find it very challenging to stay positive and optimistic. But what did they do in this circumstance?

So they contacted him in one way or another way, didn’t hear anything. Then it turned out that they were getting ready to have a series of events in people’s houses, donor cultivation events. And they were planning some of them in people’s houses. And one of their board members who was a real go-getter and was helping to organize these things, decided that she was going to organize one with a celebrity chef and was getting it all planned. And she was a friend of our ghost, as it turned out.

And our ghost will call him, happened to have a fantastic house with a fantastic kitchen. So the board member who knew him, didn’t talk about the fact that he had been avoiding the organization. She simply went to him and said, “Hey, Dan,” or whatever his name was:

“I wonder if you’d be willing to host an event for this organization in your house. We’re going to have a celebrity chef and here’s what’s going to go on.”

And he said, “Sure.” He said, “I’d be happy to.” So by changing the channel, essentially they changed the channel, he went from, are you ready for this? Ghost to host.

Amy Eisenstein:
I love that. Ghost to host. Now, they changed the channel in a few ways I want to point out. So one, they changed the narrative and the request, what they were asking him to do. So they were looking for engagement. So right off the bat, it wasn’t about donating. It sort of even wasn’t about the campaign. It was about hosting a reception. And that was something that he could do easily, he could say yes to without future pressure.

Andrea Kihlstedt:
Right. Now the reception was going to be for the campaign so it wasn’t entirely different. But you’re right. It changed the approach in a significant way.

Who Does the Asking Matters

Amy Eisenstein:
Here’s the second thing that was different. They switched who was doing the asking. Now, I don’t know if the board member had reached out and been ghosted herself because she knew him. So that’s another strategy. If you’re not planning some house parties or you can’t totally change the request, you can change the requester. And that might have worked too, or that might have been part of what worked is that instead of the development director calling or the executive director leaving messages, now it was a board member. And that’s an important thing to note. It was probably a combination of both, truly. Because if the development director had reached out to ask him to host a house party, he might’ve said no.

Andrea Kihlstedt:
That’s right.

Amy Eisenstein:
So it might’ve been a combination of both the requester and the request itself.

Andrea Kihlstedt:
Right. Now, of course, we don’t know the end of this story yet because the event hasn’t happened, but here are a couple of things that might happen. So one thing that might happen is that he will consider the event to be his campaign contribution. That’s a possibility, but it’s just as likely, perhaps even more likely that the event will remind him of why he was interested in this project and will reengage his interest in making a gift, that it will be easier to follow up.

And in fact, that at the event, someone can say, the development director, the board chair, this woman, someone can say, “Now we’d really like to get together with you to talk about your campaign gift.” So they can actually broach it right at the event.

Amy Eisenstein:
Awesome.

Andrea Kihlstedt:
Somebody could even use a tad of humor. Now, I like humor dealing with things that are a little sticky. So somebody could go up to him and say:

“Hey, Dan, I almost brought you a ghost costume. We’ve had such trouble getting in touch with you.”

Amy Eisenstein:
All right. I don’t know. I don’t know. You don’t know this donor well enough to have that kind of sense of humor.

Andrea Kihlstedt:
But if I knew the donor well enough, I could do that. I could send an email with a subject line that says, “Are you ghosting me?”

Amy Eisenstein:
Yes. Well, that’s funny. Okay. I like that one.

What we often recommend in terms of changing up the subject line, which is one of our strategies is, “Are you okay?” That’s the subject line. “We had been engaged. We haven’t heard from you for a while. We’re concerned. Is everything okay?” But it’s funny, are you ghosting me? I wonder what kind of response that would get.

Andrea Kihlstedt:
Yeah, it’s funny —

Amy Eisenstein:
I guess it depends on the person?
Andrea Kihlstedt:
It depends on the person.

Note the Communication Style of Your Donor

Another thing to pay close attention to when someone is ghosting you is to think back on their communication style. Now I’ll give you another little story here. I have a friend, a very good friend, very longtime friend who’s been a major donor to many things. And what I know about her over many years is that her communication style is quite different from my own, that she does not confirm things, that I will schedule something and then I won’t hear from her, whether she’s coming or not coming, whether we’re actually meeting or not meeting, whether we’re …

Amy Eisenstein:
That must drive you crazy.

Andrea Kihlstedt:
It drives me totally nuts. It drives me totally nuts. But the reality is it’s not about me, it’s the way she communicates. So I have to really temper my response because I know that about her. So for me to say, “Well, I haven’t heard from her, that must mean that she’s angry with me,” would be foolish because I never hear from her unless it’s a crisis somehow.

Now, honestly, over the years, it has created several situations in which there were missed communications. That’s what it leads to. That’s why I like following up and confirming. And you know Amy, I like immediate communications, but this friend of mine doesn’t. It’s just not how she functions.

Amy Eisenstein:
I have a sister like that. I can text her and days or weeks can go by, then I leave another message or eventually she gets back to me. That’s the reality of the situation.

Andrea Kihlstedt:
And if you know the pattern, the point is that if you pay attention to these patterns, then you can translate what’s going on more accurately.

Amy Eisenstein:
And you don’t have to feel ghosted because it’s not about you.

Andrea Kihlstedt:
That’s right.

Amy Eisenstein:
It’s just how they function.

Andrea Kihlstedt:
You may not be being ghosted at all.

Amy Eisenstein:
Right. That’s right. Great.

Avoid Making Assumptions About Their Lack of Communication

So that leads to don’t make assumptions. So just because somebody doesn’t get back to you in two days doesn’t necessarily mean they’re ghosting you. So a variety of communication methods we touched on. If you’ve been emailing, change it up, send a text, leave a message, have somebody else call like a board member, like the executive director. I mean, best case scenario, find someone that knows them. They’re much more likely to respond to somebody on your board or a volunteer or somebody that knows them.

So I think really thinking about what are the different methods, the strategies, the people that you can change things up. Just because they’re not getting back to you doesn’t mean they won’t respond to the organization.

Andrea Kihlstedt:
So another example of changing things up is that if you happen to see something you know that person might be interested in, that you don’t have to be contacting them for the same thing again and again. You can contact them … If Amy had been ghosting me, I might say:

“Hey, Amy, I saw this announcement for something at the Ethical Culture Society that I thought might interest you. Would you like to join me next week?”

So I can totally switch gears that she may or may not want to do that, but she’s on my mind. I know it’s a subject that’s interesting to her. So there are many ways I can switch gears. What has to happen is that she has to be in my consciousness so that I see those things and take advantage of them. And just because she hasn’t responded to me, to my last several emails doesn’t mean that I shouldn’t invite her to something else.

Amy Eisenstein:
Exactly.

Andrea Kihlstedt:
I think we often do that:

“Oh, I haven’t heard from her. I can’t reach out again. She’s going to think I’m a pest.”

Amy Eisenstein:
Right. So that goes to don’t make assumptions.

You don’t know what is going on in somebody else’s life. You don’t know necessarily what would interest them or catch their attention. They may be overwhelmed at work or have a sick parent in the hospital or be abroad. There could be a million reasons that they’re not getting back to you.

So before we continue, we have a few more really good ideas. I just want to remind listeners that this is the kind of thing that we strategize and brainstorm and help our clients with that are in campaigns every single day. So if you’re thinking about a campaign or planning a campaign, we’d love to talk to you about the possibility of working together and how we might be able to support you and your team through a campaign.

So head on over to the website, capitalcampaignpro.com and sign up for a free strategy session. Sign up to talk to us and we’ll just explore what’s going on. We’ll answer your questions and we’ll talk about how we might help you and your leadership team through a campaign. We also mentioned that every week we have a peer support call with our clients where we strategize this as well. It’s amazing. You get to hear from other organizational leaders going through campaigns just like you and get ideas right from the field.

More Ideas to Reengage Silent Donors

So okay, a few more really good ideas that we’ve come up, or I think they’re good ideas. A few more ideas for you to try.

Andrea, one of the things we talked about before the call was being proactive and setting specific next steps. So in our example of this guy hosting this reception, instead of saying, “We hope we’ll talk to you soon about the campaign.” Say:

“Hey, would you be available next Tuesday in the afternoon that we could continue this conversation about how you might like to be involved and support the campaign?”

So be proactive, set very specific intentional next steps so that they’re less likely to ghost you or wiggle off the hook or whatever analogy you want to use.

Use “Tomorrow” Strategically

Andrea Kihlstedt:
Amy, on that note of being specific about a time and a date for something, let me share something that I learned from Jerry Panas, who was really one of the great whales, old whales of this business. He knew a ton. And one of the really specific things I learned from him, which is important, is there are two times that you’re more likely to get on someone’s calendar than other times. What are those times? The first time is tomorrow.

Amy Eisenstein:
Yes. I love that.

Andrea Kihlstedt:
And the next time is about four or five weeks out.

But tomorrow, everybody knows what their schedule is tomorrow. And if you have an opening and you say, “Hey, I’m available to have a cup of coffee tomorrow at 10:00, are you?” If they’re available, it’s very hard to make an excuse for that.

Amy Eisenstein:
I happen to have tomorrow afternoon.

I wouldn’t just say two o’clock. I’d say, “You know what? My calendar is wide open tomorrow afternoon.”

Andrea Kihlstedt:
Tomorrow afternoon.

Amy Eisenstein:
“Is there any chance? What time would work for you?”

Andrea Kihlstedt:
Right. Exactly.

Amy Eisenstein:
“I’ll come to you. You’re home, your office, I’ll meet you wherever.”

Andrea Kihlstedt:
Exactly. So you make it very … It’s like immediate. And the other, then there’s this kind of middle period where people are, they’re not sure how their schedule is going to land, but if you’re looking six weeks out, four weeks, six weeks out, your calendar is likely to be open.

Amy Eisenstein:
A little clearer.

Andrea Kihlstedt:
A little clearer. Probably a lot clearer.

Amy Eisenstein:
Yeah. I love that.

Andrea Kihlstedt:
I thought that was really a good thing to remember.

Use the Right Subhect Line in Your Emails

Amy Eisenstein:
I love that. Let’s talk about some emails. We mentioned subject lines, changing it up. “Are you okay? Are you ghosting me?” You could be creative and different types of events or invitations, but really clear different subject lines that might catch their attention, varying up the methodology. But let’s talk about short messages. I think sometimes people tend to write too much in an email. Just one line.

Andrea Kihlstedt:
Yeah. Or a couple of bullet points if it’s more complicated. Simplify, simplify, simplify. And the way to do that is to write whatever you’re writing, put it aside for a few minutes, save it as a draft, and then come back and take out half the words.

Amy Eisenstein:
Well, think of it. If they get it on their mobile device, which they’re highly likely to do, do they have to scroll? I don’t want to scroll. I want to see the whole message on my phone in one screenshot, and then they’re going to read it. They’re more likely to read it, and hopefully they’re more likely to respond.

Is it Time to Give Your Donor An Out?

Andrea Kihlstedt:
So here’s another one, Amy. There are some times when it makes sense to let someone off the hook, when for a variety of reasons, you have a real sense that they may not want to give to the campaign, that they really may be running away from you because they don’t want to be involved. And it’s often really helpful to say:

”Maybe something has come up and you really are no longer interested in this in our campaign. Is that the case? I’d love to know if that’s the case because I really don’t want to keep bugging you.”

Amy Eisenstein:
“Please let me know. Please let me know. So I don’t continue to bug you.” I think that’s great. And then you’ll get one of two responses. You’ll get, “Thank you so much. You’re right. I’ve turned my attention elsewhere.” And then at least, I mean, it’s disappointing, but at least you won’t keep chasing them. Or second, they’ll say, “No, no, no, no. I’ve just been busy. It’s okay.” And then you reengage. So two good outcomes, honestly.

Andrea Kihlstedt:
Zan actually had a great story. Zan is one of our amazing advisors or coaches. And one of her clients was trying to get hold of a board member about a gift and they got in touch with her six times. Now, they knew very specifically how many times they got in touch with her because-

Amy Eisenstein:
They were counting. They were counting.

Andrea Kihlstedt:
They were counting. And at a board meeting, the topic came up with this board member was there and someone said, “Hey, Zan, we’ve been trying to get in touch with you. Can we schedule a meeting?” And Zan said, “What do you mean? You only emailed me once.” And she had no idea they’d emailed her six times. She either didn’t pay attention to it, didn’t know it, didn’t … And of course they were wise. They didn’t say, “Well, we can document the six times.”

… More aggressive about it. But it was a reminder that just because you’ve been in touch with someone six times doesn’t mean that they have seen or registered that you have been in touch with them six times.

Amy Eisenstein:
Such a good point. Because you may be feeling like a nag and they may not even know.

Andrea Kihlstedt:
That’s right.

Amy Eisenstein:
I love that. I love that example. That’s such a good real world story. And then right there at the board meeting, you can say, “Let’s get something on the calendar before you leave tonight. Don’t leave tonight until we put something on the calendar.”

Andrea Kihlstedt:
And how about tomorrow?

Amy Eisenstein:
How about tomorrow? Exactly. Say:

“Hey, listen, if email’s not the best way to reach out, should we be texting you? What’s your preferred method of communication?”

Andrea Kihlstedt:
Exactly.

Amy Eisenstein:
That also is … Young and old, some people don’t like email. My kids, they don’t want to pay attention to their email.

Andrea Kihlstedt:
Yeah, kids don’t do email. Young people don’t do email anymore. They don’t.

Amy Eisenstein:
Right. Right.

Take Your Emotion Out of the Equation

Andrea Kihlstedt:
Amy, I think that sort of underlying this whole conversation is the fact that I don’t care who you are or how optimistic you are or how long you’ve been in this business, it takes some real strength to get yourself in the frame of mind where you don’t feel rejected when someone doesn’t respond to your email.

And that you have to work on that. Even if there’s a piece of you inside that is feeling like you’ve been rejected in some way and you feel lousy about it, you have to take that and put it aside and assume that all is well and operate out of that mode. And it’s very difficult, which is why this subject is important because it’s hard to do that. I don’t care who you are, it’s hard to do that. It’s a mental practice that you have to work on to assume the best of people, to assume that they’re not trying to run away from you, to assume the best of yourself.

Amy Eisenstein:
I love that.

So listen, if you’re listening and you think this is a topic that somebody on your leadership team needs, your executive director, your board chair, your fundraising committee chair, send it to them — forward this podcast to them and have them listen. And then together you can figure out how to work on and continue to communicate with people that are not responding as readily as you’d like. Let’s change the narrative from ghosting to not quick responders. And don’t jump to conclusions, don’t make assumptions, but just it’s a process.

Fundraising is a process and people are complicated. And so getting in touch and people’s lives are busy. And so it’s your job to communicate and to change the strategy and to brainstorm. And that’s the fun, the challenge and the opportunity that we all get to work on every single day.

So Andrea, great topic today. Thanks for listening, everyone. And we’ll see you next time.